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Upbringing plays big role in breeding violent people
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Although women appear to bear the brunt of violence, they are part of the society that nurtures it. This is because young boys are exposed to social and cultural norms that reinforce certain negative behaviour that is later demonstrated through violence. This is compounded by the likelihood of growing men engaging in substance abuse and other vices as part of the experimenting and peer pressure that young people experience. Regarding sex, a young man is encouraged to get a little experience so he can learn to "satisfy" his future wife. Girls, on the other hand, are less likely to engage in such activities because of the same social and cultural norms. Indeed, they are required by society to protect their virginity until marriage. By the time the young man meets the young woman, he has been around the block and is probably already infected with the Aids-causing virus. And this is the root of women's perennial violation. Dealing with gender-based violence calls for a critical look at some of the factors that make boys and men behave the way they do. The Kenyan society upholds the image of a man who is very masculine in his qualities. He is supposed to be brave, resilient, responsible and able to keep his emotions under control at all times. The Kenyan man is intelligent, successful, adventurous and, above all, an achiever. Men who fail to fit this image are considered weak. In the hard times we live in, men who are unable to fulfil their traditional role of provider have been known to resort to violence against women in their own families as a way of releasing all their pent-up frustration. A young woman is counselled during wedding arrangements that her husband's payment of bride price means she can never says ‘no' to him. She might be able to negotiate other aspects of marriage, but not whether or not she wants to have sex. A woman's fear of violence and her subsequent submission to coerced sex is a major risk factor in the spread of HIV/Aids, which is the focus of this year's campaign against gender-based violence. No woman is safe, not even the much-maligned prostitute, because multiple partners are culturally acceptable. Women are expected to relate with or marry older men regardless of whether they are sexually promiscuous or not. Meanwhile, these very men seek younger partners that have presumably not had sex in order to avoid infection. There is even a belief in some communities that having sex with a virgin will cure one of Aids and other diseases. But it is a vicious cycle – men infect girls and young women, young men engage in sex with the young women, further spreading HIV/Aids. The solution lies in a total overhaul of the boy child's upbringing to bring out his better side. This could include teaching him that there is nothing wrong in displaying tender behaviour towards those he claims to love. It means teaching boys that there is nothing demeaning in the so-called "feminine" tasks, just as there is nothing redeeming in the image of power and domination that our society has perpetuated, to its own detriment. |
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